How to deal with controlling in-laws while wedding planning? - ToledoNewsNow.com: News, Weather & Sports for Toledo, OH

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Q. My fiance's family is driving me crazy. Ever since we announced our wedding engagement, they've been bombarding me on all sides with wedding demands -- from inviting third cousins to including their kids in the wedding ceremony! They're creating so much craziness that I'm ready to give up on the whole wedding and elope. Is there any way to deal with this?

A. For better or worse, your fiance's family is part of the package. You don't want to get off on the wrong foot with your new family, so diplomacy is the name of the game.

Pick your battles. Is it really worth it to be on his aunt's bad side forever, or should you just ask her son to be an usher? Unless you plan to never see her again post-wedding, the latter is probably a better option.

For more petty requests, a polite (and truthful) answer is in order. When his cousin-in-law emails you to find out where her invite is, simply say, "We're very sorry, but with the cost of the wedding we just can't invite everyone." It's harsh, but what else can you really say?

And when it comes to the bigger battles, don't be afraid to enlist his help. After all, he knows them better than you do, and probably knows how to defuse a fight (especially when his 'rents are really on the warpath).

If you can explain the situation to him in a non-accusatory way (think, "I need your help," not "I'm ready to smack your sister"), he should be on your side and by your side -- he is your fiance, after all.

More from The Knot: More sticky wedding subjects solved!

-- By Carley Roney of TheKnot.com



Carley Roney is co-founder and editor in chief of The Knot (www.theknot.com), the nation's leading online wedding resource.

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