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Line King appalled at deterioration of on campus college football experience

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(RNN) - Forget a polarized and frozen government; one only has to look at college campuses around the country to see what is truly wrong with our country.

The Line King was invited to partake in some pre-game tailgating at a very prominent university. Without mentioning the school (for fear of casting a shadow of shame on the local citizenry), what he saw during the course of the day curled what toenails he has left.

What started out as a beautiful fall Saturday with plenty of promise and fun turned into a distasteful display of un-Americanism and a sea of debauchery normally relegated to the streets of Bangkok.

First of all, whatever happened to sitting in an un-air conditioned car eating a greasy bucket of chicken, listening to your dad complain because your mother failed to bring his favorite team pennant and hoping that can of soda your younger brother just picked up and was about to open was the one that had been rolling in the trunk of the Ford Tempo all week long?

Today, all that is missing from the tailgate experience are Anthony Robbins and Liberace.

Gigantic recreational vehicles cram side-by-side like NASCAR haulers at Bristol Motor Speedway, erect circus tents – some with conditioned air – are filled with local catering services providing us "fans" with all of the traditional football fare: salmon quiche, sauteed spinach with crisp pancetta, roasted rack of veal, potato soufflé and fried kale.

Would it have been any harder to throw a few dogs on a Weber somewhere or muster up enough courage to deep fry some turkey legs?

Then the bottom completely fell out when our drink choices were a glass of 2006 Cotat Francois Sancerre la Grande Cote, 2009 Opus One, Veuve Clicquot champagne or our final option: apple or strawberry lager.

Was this a prelude to a college football game or World Cup qualifier?

Also as a general rule, all fruit-flavored beer and fruit in beer should be permanently banned at sporting events east of Reno. It's not what was intended when humans first mixed barely, hops, yeast and an oblong-shaped ball. Hopefully, whoever started this sick and twisted trend will be banished to Dante's Inferno.

And the only activities for kids were watching one of 30 games on the satellite TV setup inside the RV, uploading the latest Miley Cyrus twerk video on their iPhone, and complaining about how bored they were.

Whatever happened to attempting 40-yard field goals with a real football while wearing penny loafers in a gravel parking lot?

The only two things that worried The Line King and his brother back in the day were:

1. Avoiding getting hit by a passing truck while we ran out onto the highway to retrieve said football; and 2. The public belting our dad would give us when we knocked off somebody's side view mirror causing the ball to crash unexpectedly into a sun-dressed mom's plate of pork and beans.

The walk to the stadium was no thrill ride either. Back in the day, clean-cut fraternity men, with blue blazers and snappy bow ties escorted their dates sometimes hours before kick-off, ever respectful of the alums they might encounter.

Today, under-dressed and over-tattooed coeds named Dakota and their baggy-pants dates named Dakota (how ironic) zigzagged their way across campus, dropping more cuss-bombs than the Doolittle Raid, complaining about so-and-so's new Facebook status and swilling apple lager.

Could that sordid scene on this particular college campus last Saturday truly be a microcosm of the decadence that is eating away like acid at the moral metal of a once proud and great nation?

Yeah, that's it.

Week Six: 4-6-1 (ugh, again!)

Season: 36-33-3

Oct. 19; Week 8

Barn +14 @ Johnny Football: Again, holding my nose and taking the Plainsmen or whatever they call themselves. Just seems like a lot of points, although JF has been known to crash a few parties.

Oregon State -11 @ California: The Beavers have scored 46, 33, 51, 34, 44, 52 and Cal's Tony Franklin system usually takes a year to kick in. The Bears are 0-5-1 against the spread this year, so it's a huge risk not to take them. Beaver over brie and wine spritzers all day long.

Arkansas +28 @ Bammer: After the Arkansas blow-up at the Meadowlands and last week's home debacle the public has abandoned the Hogs, so we go against the grain. Weather might be an issue Saturday night. Nothing like sitting in a VIP tent next to the original full-body painted fan.

South Carolina -7 @ Tennessee: South Carolina played last week with a chip on their shoulder; other than that they have failed miserably ATS. But after watching the Dawgs getting pushed around last weekend in Athens, just how good can Tennessee be? The line is low enough for weather not to be a factor. Vol Navy has turned into an AOK Camp Grounds on the water, minus the public decency.

Florida @ Mizzou +3: This opened as a PK. Missouri back-up QB held his own last week and the Tiger defense was in Aaron Murray's grille all Saturday. I bet you still might be able to find a fried turkey leg somewhere in Columbia.

LSU @ Mississippi +8: The Black Bear thought this year was next year. Oh well, they can still make a run at the Sunbelt title beginning next week. Again, weather might be a factor. And those 18 mph campus speed limits have ruined the thrill of almost getting hit by a car while chasing down an errant ball.

UGA -9 @ Vanderbilt: Poor Vandy fan has had a tough go of it this year and he doesn't touch fried chicken. They just can't seem to compete this year against real teams. Against fake teams like Governor Peay and UA's B team, they are world beaters.

USC +3 @ Notre Dame: The Trojans turn the corner, plus they have the one sacred thing left in college football – Song Girls. Rush Street in Chicago has nothing to do with tailgating, but you won't find apple lager served there, either.

Oklahoma -22 @ Kansas: No matter what Texas exposed last week, Kansas will not be able to exploit it and they don't tailgate in Lawrence – seriously, they don't.

BYU @ Houston +10: This game is being played in Reliant Stadium … which has a huge and hot asphalt parking area and is located next to a busy road and equally busy highway. There is even a fried chicken place within 100 yards of the stadium parking lot, so there is hope.

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